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When you think about your mother (father, parental figure, grandma etc!), what are the images that first pop into your mind? How are you connected/disconnected to your mother mentally and physically? What traits do you share?

*If you don't have a mother to talk about, talk about that. Or a father or mother figure-- an grandma, an aunt, a stepdad, a teacher. Tell me a story, good or bad! Tell me about your connection or lack of connection.

Example:

MJ & Kathy

My grandma Mary Jane, a beautiful Irish-Catholic girl, had six children before she was 30, and dropped out of URI to marry my grandpa. She wanted to be a teacher. She brought these small burdens to Briggs Beach every summer where the six kids poked crabs in tide-pools, and swam out to "sixth rock" without a chaperone. Despite what the rich visiting summer girls wore, every year my grandmother scoured the stores to find my mom a bathing suit with skirt. The wet fabric clung to her legs, giving my mom ideas that there was something wrong with her body. My grandmother never told her that it was HER own modesty that covered my mom’s thighs with thick jersey fabric. Because of many small misunderstandings like this, they shared the same black curls, thick Rhode Island accent, but nothing else.  My mother tried to reject her upbringing by being a hippy in the 70s and moving far away from home, first to Hawaii, then to Maine. She loves to tell me that she is "not like Mary Jane." She is a Psych NP for teenagers, so she's more interested in medicine and science than literature, but will read a novel to humor me as long as it has a happy ending; she says she hears too many sad stories at work during the day.  At Christmas time she’ll still construct a gingerbread house from scratch so my sister and I can decorate it with gumdrops and M&M’s. On Saturdays, after going for a run with her girlfriends, she'll stand at the stove over her iron skillet chatting, and make me blueberry pancakes. At night the sound of her sewing machine is a buzz that fills the house.  I don’t know the weight of having six kids, of choosing one life for another, or of growing up in a time when your body and mind were meant to be invisible, but when we go to Briggs Beach, and my mother emerges from the waves in her swimsuit (without a skirt), I see my legs, my knees, walking towards me.

Comments

Carlos NazarioFebruary 27, 2020 at 9:16 PM
“In Mexico, there aren’t as many opportunities as there are in the States, crossing that border was one of the most difficult decisions I’ve ever made in my life, regretting it would be a sin.”
My mother’s name is Teodora Sanchez. She is known for being wise, intelligent, and in my opinion the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I can’t explain with enough words in the English Language how much I love this woman. When thinking about my mother I see a guardian angel sent to me from heaven, I see a goddess, I see a fighter who’s determined everyday to make a change, (whether it’s home decoration, or community restoration.) My mother and I are connected through our ways of thinking and the way we express our emotions. Although my mother was born during the late 1980’s and the way of thinking was very conservative, she contradicted what her parents (my grandparents) would say about same sex marriage, religion, and gender roles. My grandparents wouldn’t let her play basketball because it was a males sport, and not shockingly, she dribbled the ball, shot hoops with her guy friends and couldn't of cared less about what the girls and mothers of the village would say about her. "You're so bad ass" I'd always say when she tells me that story. She’s very accepting and respects everyone and is very well spoken. She was the PTA leader of my elementary school, she looked so professional making arrangements, plans, and parties for the teachers, staff, and students. My mother and I share traits such as both being adventurous, humble, open minded, and compassionate. Although my mother and I get into heated arguments about silly things like the weather, the color of a boys hoodie, what makes a good boyfriend, or what makes a good taco, a good taco, she’s my human and I’ll do anything for her, she’s my ride or die till the end of time.
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FrancisFebruary 28, 2020 at 6:22 PM
“I’m rebellious because the world made me like this, because no one treated me with love ” my mother began. “My younger self failed to understand the gravity of my family’s situation. Father owned a farm, a few cabins in the paramo and he had a great number of peons. Father was having an affair with one of the peons, so when he wanted to be with her, he would send Mother to work in the fields in one of the cabins. At 5pm, Father sent me on a mule to the cabin where my mom stayed with stacks of corn and quinoa to farm. The mountains stood tall, ergid, imposing; horses coming down with their owners and wolves hauling as to announce their presence, yet I felt nothing. No fear, no excitement, nothing. I remember the mule jumping over streams of water that descended from the mountains and suddenly she stopped. The mist became denser and denser and then the sun hid behind the mountains; then it was night so she moved again into the mountain. I woke up in front of a hut made with hay that blended so well with paramo, so I hit the mule for her to begin walking but instead she whinnied. I saw Mother getting out of the hut cursing out the wind as if it was Father. We started a fire—look how lucky we were, starting a fire inside of a hut made of hay-- By the morning, Mother had to go back to the main farm, so I was left alone. The sole memory that I recall from there is when Father came to hit my mother, pushing her to the thickets and yelling “Stupid Whore”. This is one of the many stories my mother had told me, like an open book, I knew everything. She has always been strong. After my grandmother and my grandfather divorced, the law immediately took away my grandmother’s farm because she was a woman; this all the girls stayed with their mother and the boy’s stayed with the father. While my mother worked as a housemaid at the age of 7, my aunts were in school. When she finished middle school the lady she worked for told her “Sweetheart, high school is not for you, you ought to stay here and work”. So she paid her own tuition, she graduated with a bachelors in accounting, and she graduated with honors. I finally understood her, I’m the only one who understood her pain. Then, I cried for how lucky I was to have her? . She finally said “Everyone writes their own story. This was mine. These are the stories I’ve never told you. I’m doing what Mother couldn’t do. Now she can’t speak, nor hear and remember. I’m happy I told you this.”
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Susanna LoFebruary 29, 2020 at 5:51 PM
When I first think of my mom, I imagine a her being weird and making me food. I imagine how she worked to support my family when I was younger because I noticed at a really early age that when I was still half asleep, she would be up at 5 am gettingeady for work. I slowly realized that she was used to it because she told me stories of when she was younger at age she helped with raising animals and was working a job at 16. This is a disconnection between me and my mom because I never experienced wha ggv she felt when she was younger because things were so different. She made the hard decision to leave the place she was born in while I don't have to make that choice. She had to only 1 year of college classes because she needed money to support her family. Another thing that I can't connect to my mom is telling her about my daily life. She usually always tell my grandma everything but for me, I don't feel comfortable talking to my family about personal stuff because of some barrier language but mostly they wouldn't understand so I would usually only tell my best friends. I do share very similar traits to my mom both physically and mentally. I look more like my mom side and I am the same height as her. I also act like her because I like acting stupid and doing weird stuff and I get that from watching grandma and mom when I was younger
Lastly, I show a lot of love to my firends because my mom always gave me kisses, hugs and will tell me she loves me which is why I always give hugs to my friends.
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Julius GomezMarch 1, 2020 at 8:35 AM
My grandmother on my mother's side came to the U.S in the 80s, 1986. She barely knew anyone here except for her older sister's husband's sister who took her in. She told me this story and many others like it when I was younger and it always helped me better understand what she was doing with her life. A big part of the connection that I share with my grandmother is language. Half of my family speaks polish and the other half speaks spanish. As I grew up I picked up polish and began to speak polish with my grandmother whenever I would see her. Talking about The Joy Luck Club and the boundaries and gaps that are created because of the inability to communicate makes me realize just how lucky i am to have such a strong connection to someone so different from me. She grew up on a farm with 5 siblings, came to the U.S while being married with two kids and made a living here to support her family when she went back. She later came back to the U.S because of the benefits that came with living here. Without being able to communicate with her I wouldn't know all of this and we would never be able to have our long conversations on the train, talk about her day, discuss school, make amends, laugh together and talk about things you can only do when you know the same language. The connection that I have with her is strong because of language and how it brings people together.
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Michelle BaginskiMarch 1, 2020 at 1:19 PM
As I am doing my homework, I hear the thud of someone’s footsteps as they walk down the stairs. The door widens and my mom says, “Idź spać” or in other words, “Go to sleep.” My mom has been next to me every step of my journey whether it is physically or mentally. She has to wake up at 4 a.m. in the morning and sometimes I wonder how she has not fallen asleep while making breakfast. Her diligence and her motivation is what I see on a daily basis. She constantly has something to do. Whether it is work, cleaning the house, making food, filing, filling out papers, taking phone calls, taking care of the bills, or almost anything you can think of, she does. Yes, she can paint a wall and knows what a certain little screw or bolt is probably used for. This sort of constant motion and diligence are things that I share with my mom. That’s why I am constantly busy, but I always try my best to fit as many things as I can into my schedule. She constantly encourages me to do my best even when she physically does not say it all the time. My family is always in my mind and they are always little voices telling me to keep going. My mom and I do look similar, but it is our understanding of each other that makes us connected. My mom and I talk about everything and anything. We are like open books to each other. We may get into some rough patches because we may not understand each other’s perspective, but by talking and getting to know more, we are able to understand each other’s view. I believe that we have not essentially had a barrier between each other. Even though some people may say that age may be a barrier, I don’t see it as a barrier in our case because we understand each other just like how some may say that love is not defined by age. We have tackled the language barrier together as a team ever since I started going to kindergarten. By reading books, looking at dictionaries, and calling others led to us understanding the English language together, which molded our connection. I believe that I am fortunate to have not only a mother that I share a close bond with, but a father that I can also connect with and talk to about many things. Religion, the Polish language, our perseverance, and our constant motion is what makes my family share a deep bond and tackle barriers together and not individually.
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uMarch 2, 2020 at 4:49 PM
When I think about my mom, the first thing I think about is did she get lost on her way to work/have fun? My mom have no sense of direction. My mom been to New York for five years, but is still often for her to get lost in Chinatown and pass the subway station she need to get off. I am her "GoogleMap", because every time when MTA reroute the route for no reason, I will always give her a direction. I am disconnected to mine mother physically, but I look like my father. How I am connected to my mother mentally is our language. We speak Mandarin to each other, however the South-West Mandarin is the best languages for us. South-West Mandarin is the Dialect that my mom's hometown speaks. The trait we shard is we both can handle spicy. We eat spicy hot pot, we eat spicy foods...
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Carlos ludizacaMarch 2, 2020 at 6:27 PM
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MannyMarch 2, 2020 at 6:30 PM
When I playing a video-game or just in my house loafing around I would get scolded for not putting as much effort to my work and the consequences of not taking my work seriously. When my mom was my age she was focused on her schoolwork and getting to college. She usually feels strongly about me just goofing around and not doing any classwork. A barrier that is between my mom and me is the readiness to do certain tasks as I would always question and think about whats happening before ever agreeing to what would go on throughout the story. We just have different views on who should be doing work and why certain people chose the path that they're are going down towards. Me and my mother also relate in the shared liking for sports teams like the Giants or the Yankees just to name a few. My mom understands the lines between what she was used to allow and the things that allowed today.
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Carlos ludizacaMarch 2, 2020 at 6:40 PM
When I think of my mother images that pop out when she worked in a place with bad conditions for many years and never left knowing if she would she wouldn't be able to provide for her family. I see a strong woman who after having two close people die she held her head up and became very strong at a young age and went through a lot and never gave up through tough times even though they got harder . I see a woman who cares more about her children's happiness than her own , I see a religious woman who reminds us to thank god for what we have and who brought me closer to God. I also see a funny charismatic woman who makes friends anywhere in the dentist, supermarket and who stopped listening to pop music and listens to church music who sets an example that you can get through whatever you face if you confide in God and surround yourself with good people. Also a woman who came to a country not knowing its language its culture and left her home land for more opportunities and a better life for her kids. Life would be so different if she never came to the U.S. We share a very strong connection I can confide in her and express my feelings to her. I can joke around with my mom if I don't feel like myself I can go to her and she can tell me what I need to hear. When I ever mess up she forgives me because she knows I didn't mean it. She always tells me I look more like her than my sisters, our skin tone ,our hair color is dyed the same color not on purpose. I can never stay mad at her or be mad near her because she will make me laugh. She still treats me like a little kid. She takes me out food for me or makes my sister do it. She says my sister needs to learn for her future husband. My mother has patience if I was in her position I would flip. We both forgive easily , we both deal with pain in silence we make jokes in the worst times and after getting someone mad we just make jokes. I asked her to describe herself. She said "Gorda" which means fat which she isn't but made me laugh. We both like sleeping. We both don't go out as much and show love in different ways not just by saying it. My mother always tells us how she was poor and grew up with little clothes and had to work at a young age which I enjoy that she does because it keeps me humble and reminds me to give thanks for what I have and appreciate what I have. Also to not get too attached to people because when you need them they won't be there for you and to be closer to my family/ cousins because they'll be there always. Whenever I face a challenge or get mad over a dumb reason I remember what my mom has been through alone and that I can do it and my problems aren't as big as I think . She taught me how to be respectful and greet people even if I don't know them , and to be grateful for the food I eat and if people offer me food to say thank you and eat it, I learned how to eat anything any food they offer me with no complaints. We both enjoy flautas which is a rolled up tortilla that contains cheese or chicken she taught me how to eat good. Thanks to her I am who I am.
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Zhen Hao YangMarch 3, 2020 at 1:00 PM
When I think about my father, the image of a man who had lots of wrinkles, and the face that had seen all the misfortunes, and yet manages to strive for the better. The other images I see are a teapot, tea cup, peanuts, a radio, and of course a newspaper. Mentally I share many similarities with my father, the concept of work hard now, and rewarded later. And we all believed in the concept, where life is a theater, you have to put on different masks, act differently with different people and positions. But all follows the trait of passiveness where it’s best not to have more enemies, for ones fueled by sins could be very destructive to your stability. The traits that I share with my father is we are both introverts, open-minded, conscientious, self-controlled, and receptive.
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TasniaMarch 3, 2020 at 3:45 PM
The images that pop into my head when I think about my parents are the moments where both my parents especially mom is scolding me for something I did. Even though, my parents excludes me from many things, I'm still very grateful that they did, b/c if they let me hang out with my friends or I could wear whatever I want, I feel like I wouldn't be who I am now. Yes, sometime it's a little extreme but their doing this so I can protected from how cruel this world is. I'm their only little girl, so it make sense why they are extremely protective. Even though they won't admit it, they hate seeing me grow up. I'm connected to my parents in many ways, but I'm connected to my mom b/c I have so many traits that are similar to my mom. For example, my mom and I have very short temper, the littlest things can sett us off. Or like we get over excited for every little thing we do or want to do. We're definitely very stubborn when it comes to things we believe in. However, I feel more disconnected b/c I was born here and my mindset in very modernize, and my mom's mindset is more traditional with a little modern thoughts. So sometimes or most times we are not on the same page which leads into arguments and nasty stuff can be said. The only thing I ever want to do is make my mom happy and proud of me. My mom lost her mom when she was 13 so there are certain things where she doesn't know what to say or do. Like when I do something wrong, she would immediately yell at me and won't make me understand what I did wrong. Cause if she did explain why there are some things I do is wrong, I would listen and try not do it again. As well as my mom has six sisters and the oldest one sort of became the mother figure to them especially towards my mom. But there is just a certain quality a mother has that even if they became a mother figure, they won't have that quality. As well my mom married my father when she was 16, so she didn't have time to enjoy her life the way I'm supposed to enjoy my life. She's only starting to enjoy her life now, which caused her to think that we can only enjoy our lives when we are married. That is why when it comes to my mother's gen and my gen, we usually don't see eye to eye. In my mother's gen she didn't have the opportunities like how we have. So it's hard to see that these opportunities can actually help us in our future. Her mindset is education to most important, which is true, it's important but what is also important is building a social life, where we interact with different people. However, no matter how different our mindset is and how we were both raised in two completely environment, we still try to understand each other. I'm still learning many things from my mom. and that's never going to change, my mom doesn't know this but she is my biggest role model, seeing her be so strong in so many things, I always say to myself that if I try I can be just as strong as her. To me, having a mother is so important b/c there is so many things that a mother can teach her daughter and vice versa. I am very happy and lucky to have a mother like her despite all the arguments we have. Thanks to her and her support I can be the daughter she's proud of. Thanks to her I am who I am.
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Darline MartinezMarch 3, 2020 at 4:35 PM
“Cuando me necesitas mi puerta siempre está abierta” is something my parents always told me growing up. Their arms were stretched out read for when I needed them. I always had a string relationship with my parents. They told always told me to be myself, and that no matter what I did as long as I was happy, they were happy. I have a special connection with each of them. For as long as I can remember, my mom and I had huge connection. After school, I would run to the big red playground to give my mom a huge hug as we walked home. We would enter the house, and as my mom is getting the TV ready, I would get a huge blanket for us to share. My mom and I were inseparable during the 1 hour shows, and movies we would watch. We would watch Law and order, Mi Corazon Insiste, and Maid In Manhattan until we couldn’t anymore. Through these moments, I was able to confide in my mother, and till this day I always feel free to tell her anything thats bothering me. My Dad and I also had a special connection. I remember the times that I would wake my dad up on saturday mornings before he’ll go to work. I was always the first one to wake up on saturdays. I would run into my parents room, and quickly climb on the bed telling dad it was time to wake up. Since my dad worked a lot, saturdays were the only time him and I had to talk. We’ll talk, laugh, and play until he had to get ready for work. Those moments solidified our relationship. My Parents and I are really close, and I cant imagine it being any other way.
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Diana TodericMarch 3, 2020 at 6:10 PM
So like most people we all have that one person that either is our parents, sister or brother, gram parent or aunt that we are close too. I was unlucky and I never got the privilege to have parents or any part of my family living with me besides my sister. I was an orphan for the first 14 yeas of my life, in Romania, and I was living with 8 other girls who till today are my sisters not by blood but by heart. My middle school was the hardest because people would have made lots of jokes and bullying me for not having parents. Now I don't know why they would always choose me to bully, I think it was because I had a funny face or because I will always win at games, but I always wonder why they are making fun of me because they all knew that I was an orphan but why would you make fun of someone who can't control what has happened to them? There was this guy in my middle school and he was in 8th grade and I was in 5 grade ( in Europe they consider 5 grade middle school) and he would always would have trip me on the stairs or trow out my sandwich or hit me over the head and I think at one point, for a straight mouth, I would have come back from school everyday being hurt and my lip being cut open and bruises all over my body and I would always cry when I was home. One day my sister saw me being hurt. My sister, Dora, and I we have that relation of being not close but close and if someone does something to me she will fight the shit out of that person and a lot of people knew not to mess around with her because she had that rested b**** face which was confusing because I was her twin and we looked alike. I didn't tell my sister what was going on because one I wasn't really good at expressing my feelings and two I thought she couldn't do anything because he was a guy and she was a girl, but that day when she saw me she found out about everything and I told her to not worry about it but she never listen to me. She gather every girl in my orphanage and the next day he got beat up pretty badly but nobody told anyone one because we didn't want to get in trouble and two because he wouldn't tell anyone that he got beat up by girls. Since that day me and my sister gotten closer and people started to be nice to me and not bully me, well to be honest is because for a straight month Dora was walking me to classes but still I felt like I had power and that I can go where I wanted when I wanted and not be bullied.
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Hao Lin HeMarch 4, 2020 at 3:18 PM
When I think of my father, the images of a short tempered man who always looks as if he was angry at something comes up. To me my father is the person in my life who has impacted me the most, at a young age he would be the one who disciplines me while my mother is the one who is always kind and caring to me. In the first six years of my life I would spend most of my time with my mom than my father and that still applies to now as my father is usually in China running his business that he has. During this younger days of my life that I have spend with my father I share the trait of being short tempered like my father even though my father isn’t as short tempered as he was before and my younger siblings didn’t experience the same thing I did and had in my opinion an easier life. The experiences disconnect me with my father as he grew up differently compared to how I grew up where with half of my time in China and the other half in the U.S while my father spend his whole life in China. The time and age is also different where my father isn’t as lazy as me and he is able to do more things than me while I prefer to sleep more and not worry about things more.
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AliyuMarch 4, 2020 at 5:14 PM
My parental figures are exceptional schedulers. They are also very strict. When I think about my parental figures the first images that pop into mind are about organizing tennis. I am connected to my mother physically because we enjoy the same activities, such as soccer and gaming. My mother and I are both very good at designing and playing tennis. When I think of my parental figures , I imagine scheduling a game of tennis. I am connected to my parental figures mentally because we share similar talents, for example my mother and I are both good at sewing and guitar playing. Furthermore the trait I share with my parental figures is my attitude.
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Lamont RMarch 4, 2020 at 5:38 PM
I have lived with my mother my whole life and could not imagine my life without her. There are so many pictures that pop up into my head as I think about my mother as if I have a built in photo gallery. All pictures from important/impactful times of my life in which I shared the experience with her adding on a lesson my mother teaches me or just another to admire. My mother is a half Filipino half Puerto Rican woman who has raised two children in NYC, as me and my brother grew up in a sense I saw my mother grow with me. My mother had me at 19, meaning my mother and I do not have a big age gap in which I think presents some positives qualities. It’s helped me open up and talk about many topics in which my friends think are too outrageous to talk about with their mothers allowing my mother and I conversation to be real. Along with being able to speak to my mother freely she understands my generation more being able to understand trends especially clothing in which we both can talk and agree on. The one main gap which my mother and I share is gender, I have a great relationship with my father but do not live with him and not seeing someone everyday puts a hinders our relationship. There are certain topics in which I have to wait for my dad or just have to deal with it by myself because my mother just won’t understand, for example I lost out on playing sports which my father was keen on exposing me to to my mother not pushing me in sports but more academics, not saying women can’t push their children in sports it’s just in my case my mother did not so when there are instances in which I want to be more active she dismisses it. Physically my mother I look similar to my mother in which we get mistaken for brother and sister, it’s always a shock as I call ”mom” out in front of people because of how young she looks and the size difference, I have my curly hair and chunky eyes from her that show we are related. We also have very bad tempers in which we snap at each other because of how impatient we can be. It’s very funny also because despite the mother and son relationship being a factor, we make up by just speaking again out of nowhere just as if everything is new.
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Lee AngelMarch 4, 2020 at 6:14 PM
[Sorry for writing this long lol.]

When I think about my mother, the images that pop into my mind are her taking care of my nieces and doing house chores. When I turned 7, my mom had returned to Malaysia because her first daughter, my half sister, had given birth and I guess my mother wanted to help her out. She had taken me with her. I was thrown into a completely different environment. I had transferred schools not only once but twice. Those last two years out of the four years I had stayed in Malaysia, my mom did not have time to care for me as much. And this had affected me greatly. During those last two years I became heavily isolated from my mother and my sister's family. They would go out a lot and I refused to go with them. I stayed home alone almost every single day. And they thought of my behavior as something trivial. Despite being under the same roof as my mother, I don't recall anything happy or exciting happening. Those funny stories my mother told me were all about my nieces, not me. I felt jealous of them, and now that I think about it, I probably had been jealous since the day my first niece was born. And I had trouble expressing my feelings. No one in the family tried to understand, and eventually I acknowledged that they didn't care. Those images that popped up first in my mind were probably because those were what I saw my mother did everyday for my sister (house chores) while her and her husband were working, and every Sunday morning when I woke up and went downstairs to the living room my mother had already woken up and began taking care of my nieces.

Right now I realize that I am pretty much connected to my mother mentally and physically. In terms of mentally, I see myself in her often. And if it weren't for my dad, I would've been a replication of her. I had found myself being similarly as selfish and stubborn as her. Not going into details but recently, even before this blogger question, I had been thinking about my mother, and how I only hear from her about four times a year. I started to think, but in the end I still couldn't find answers for the questions I had about her. When it comes to being physically connected to my mother, back then everyone would say I look like her if I'm only with her. But as of now, people I encounter would say I look much more like my mother than my father. And I never find those comments as repulsive as I thought I would be. Some traits we share would definitely be what I had mentioned before, being selfish and stubborn. Another trait I believe we share is holding onto the decisions we have made and going with it even if we feel like it was a bad one. A lot of people from my dad's side talk about my mother's "mistake" she had made on me, and it's very difficult for me to just silently listen to them speak. I know my mother wanted what's best for her, and that even then, she still cared for me at the same time. I think I resemble her in that.

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Elvis ChadanMarch 4, 2020 at 6:50 PM
My mother’s name is Maria, she is an immigrant from Ecuador who came to the United States looking for a better life and to financially support my grandparents. I don’t know much about my mother’s past life until I go to family gatherings and hear it from my aunts and uncles. My mother has been through the ringer with work, immigration, and family problems but always seems to come back with a smile. I don’t know much about my culture either as I was never actually exposed to all of it which had set me apart from her when she says certain words/references I don’t get. Even though I don’t talk to my mother on a personal level I do recognize the one trait we do have in common, and that’s being emotional. Taking things personally and letting emotions get the best of us. But I have seemed to tone it down through time. The one image that comes to mind when thinking about my mother is the ocean. A body of water that be calm and peaceful but can turn into raging waves because of her differences.
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Allison LeungMarch 4, 2020 at 7:02 PM
Since we are somewhat similar, I think of myself. Sometimes whenever I pass by my elementary school or look in her closet or even my own, I think of her connection to it. She used to go to the same school that my brother and I went to (and my brother’s current middle school). Her clothing and what I’ve taken from her makes me think of her presence. I think we’re more connected compared to others because my mom, who I think is first-gen, spent most of her life in America. She knows all the stuff other american kids who grew up in the 70s knows. She knows America better than Hong Kong, just like me. There is that connection in our American upbringing; it closes a cultural gap because we have the same cultural. Lots of the asian-american struggles that is brought up in stories like Joy Luck Club would be felt by my mom (maybe?) or me to my grandparents. Physically, we are connected through being able to communicate in a shared language perfectly. She helps connect to my grandparents and culture in a way that is simple. But it is sad that I don’t know much about my culture or anything about my true background. We also, apparently, look really similar. The disconnection is there too. I feel that she is a little torn between cultures since she was brought to America at such a young age but still originating from and living in an asian community. I can tell that my mom still believes in some traditions but mainly the mindset that was ingrained from my grandparents. And the mindset and just the overall vibe in the 1970s-80s is very different from 2020. Some of the things she says and how she views things are old american views and I don’t angry with it. Our mindsets and our morals is our gap. She believes heavily in a hierarchy and an order of things. Whether it’s through age, race, knowledge, skill and etc. She believes herself to be the best. She uses outdated slurs and offensive things from time to time that makes me angry. I believe in more balance and equality. She’s also almost a mystery, I never know what she really thinks or how she grew up in 1970s NYC. I remember hearing one personal thing I heard from my aunts accidently and thinking that’s crazy and how this is the first thing I know. We have intertwining traits; that’s what makes us butt heads a lot. We’re both hard-headed, have big egos, and firm with our beliefs. We’re unwilling to change. We’re both quick to anger and impatience. This sort of disconnection is more of an american disconnection rather than a “chinese” one. I probably have it a lot better than most but my circumstances bring their own unique challenges.
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Joanna LooMarch 4, 2020 at 8:29 PM
Although I don’t speak perfect Chinese and she doesn’t speak perfect English we are both able to communicate just fine. When we argue our words become muddled together and everything seems like a mess but we understand each other regardless. She understands her own blood and flesh and I always try to understand the other person's perspective. We have both established we don’t like arguing with each other because it’s like yelling at a mirror. We are both stubborn and it’s impossible to change each other’s minds. Neither of us are able to stay mad at each other. We could get into a fight at night time and completely forget about it by the time we wake up. Although our language barrier doesn’t prevent us from understanding any current situations, it does become difficult to learn about her past. Her life before marrying my dad is a mystery to me. I never tried to uncover her past but because of this I don’t know who my grandfather is. I can probably live the rest of my life never knowing the answer but a part of me just wants to know. I know the most obvious advice would be to just ask her but I don’t have the right words to carry out a proper and meaningful conversation.
I always believed I resembled my father but I can see my mother in me. I’m very different from her but we do share some basic similarities. We both have the same face shape and cheekbones. We both try to make everyone else’s happiness our priority forgetting to properly take care of ourselves. But my mother has always been a little strict with me. She always made me think perfection was obtainable so I truly tried striving for it when I was younger. But as I gave up on trying to be great my mother didn’t give up on me because she knew what potential I had. As I tried to meet all her expectations she became numb to the accomplishments I made. We still love each other nonetheless. We don’t say it out loud because we don’t need to reaffirm and waste our breath on what we already know.
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AnonymousMarch 4, 2020 at 9:52 PM
When I think of my father the first image that pops up is a guitar. To be more precise, it’s the guitar’s aura that initially pops up. I can’t clearly identify if it’s an acoustic or an electric guitar, but in my mind I hear every fret being strummed. In my head pops up the sound of laughter and Pink Floyd playing from the CD that we bought from Radioshack. Around me, I feel the cool wind because the windows rolled down. Only midway, of course, so that I won’t drop my push pop. Around me, I see the running lights because the car is going 70 mph, which for a 4 year old is a lot. Around me is my mother, whose face I touch as she rolls her eyes, watching my father and I scream “All in all it's just another brick in the wall”. She rubs on her cotton shirt that she got on sale from Motherhood. She smiles as she feels my sister nudge her inside. As I watch, I think of all the songs that’ll come on the radio again tomorrow, the next day, and the day after that. This is what first comes to my head when thinking of my father. I think of how he is the only person who won’t judge me for wanting hair like Amy Winehouse. I think of how he is the only person who understands the beauty I see in every riff, shred, and Drop D. My father and I are connected in a few ways. From my perspective, my parents and I don’t have much in common. But, the few traits and connections that I share with my father are vital. Our taste in style, music (except I despise country music and he listens to it almost religiously), and the arts in general are pretty identical. So, when others hear a bunch of grown men shouting around with $1000 worth of gear slinging from their shoulders, we hear a revolutionary act in the making. But, we are very much disconnected in other ways. My father is a very traditional person. He has a very “outdated” mindset. People of the westernized/modernized culture will never understand his viewpoints because of how traditional it is. Some may think he’s genderizing or is all round being a prude, when really that’s just how most people raised in third world countries are like. No, I will never blame him for his beliefs or perspectives, but at times it does get frustrating. Living in a modern world, especially living in NYC, makes everything so much more harder with traditional mindset parents. Compared to my parents, uncles, and aunts, I am more of a liberal person. So of course my parents and I will have many misconceptions here and there. Although my father enjoys rock n’ roll and many of the 70’s aesthetics, he is still driven by old traditions. Both sometimes conflict with each other on a day to day basis, causing many of the misconceptions. My father cares about honor, prestige, and etc. While I care about free will, morals, and self-worth. I’m more of a nonchalant type of person while he is the leader/activist type of person. I go with the flow, while he makes the “stands”. My father isn’t a bad man, and his head isn’t poisoned or anything, he initially was just raised with a different society/timeline. He is slowly but surely getting the hang of it, but there definitely are a few changes yet to come.
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Stephani :)March 5, 2020 at 4:46 AM
When I think of my mom I think of all her struggles she had to go through to make herself feel at home in America. She dreamed of making a better life for her future family here along with my dad. Sometimes I would get into arguments with my mom and sometimes I feel like I don’t understand her because she grew up in Ecuador and has a different perspective in life. Her background is totally different from mine. Her family would own land and animals and take good care of them. So growing up wasn’t so easy for her. But as soon as her mom died she knew that she didn’t want to live her life in Ecuador but in America where she would have more opportunities to work and not in agriculture. When I think of my mom I think of a hard worker, determination, and always on the positive side, in which I think we share the same characteristics. I always try to be on the positive side even in a worse case scenario. When she arrived in the US she only spoke Spanish. So when I was born it was difficult because when I needed help in elementary school, she would always feel bad that she wasn‘t able to provide assistance. So she would attend school to learn English and as years passed she definitely has a better understanding of what it’s like to speak English. She says it is complicated but I think that speaking Spanish is. Even though at first it was hard to connect with her, as time passed by I able now able to do that.
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RoniqueMarch 5, 2020 at 6:58 AM
When I think about my mom the first image that pops in my head is a heart. My mom is very loving, she always makes sure I don't slack off and she always tells me to get a job and go to college so that I can get the best opportunities. Physically, I have my mom's face, but mentally we're pretty different. The older I get the more I think differently than her. I'd say I'm more connected with her than anyone in my family.
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AnonymousMarch 5, 2020 at 12:22 PM
As a lil brown boy growing up, I often found myself in the company of my Mother. Whether she was out in the garden taking care of her precious flowers or cooking up a storm of spices in the kitchen, I found joy in just sitting and watching her go about her business. As a sat and watched, she would always find a way of incorporating a teaching moment into everything, she taught me the same things that a brown mother would typically teach her daughter. For a while, this made me question my masculinity because I knew more about how to set a table properly and the use for the different sizes of silver forks and spoons, but ask me to hand you the screwdriver or attempt explaining basketball to me and you were better off speaking Latin. In a sense, I am glad to have been brought up like “another daughter” because it broke an age-old stereotype that limited the ability for boys to learn how to run a house. In traditional South Indian culture, the women of the house are considered to be an embodiment of the Goddess and were responsible for maintaining and cleaning the home while the men were working to sustain the home. However, my progressive mother believed that the women took on both roles as the sustainer squared since she worked to provide for the family as well as taking care of the house. My mother believed that I should learn all the typical “women” duties so that one day, I can be a “real man” for my future wife… (yikes!) My mother also exposed me to religion and the importance of having a connection with God. I fondly remember her picking me up from St. Sylvester after having to sit through mass as a part of being enrolled in a Roman Catholic School, and taking me to the temple to learn more about my religion. Observing the rituals at such a young age shaped me to be the individual I am today. It is because of her exposing me to religion that I have chosen to take up my studies to be a priest. In south Indian culture, being a priest and taking up religious studies is seen as the manliest thing a man can do and it's because of this that I got the best of both worlds. Thanks, Mom...

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Mirza PapriMarch 5, 2020 at 3:18 PM
When I think about my mom the image/word that comes to mind is hardworking. My mom is in her mid 30s and I feel like she did so much in this family. She married my dad and the decision my parents made was to come here(America). Where they live they do have resources and are wealthy however they made the choice to come here so I can have a better future. Other than my dad my mom knows everything and tries to make my whole family happy. My mom knows when one of us are sad or going through something. All she wants is for me and my dad to be satisfied. I feel like in the family my mom went through a lot in her life and till this day she is strong. The year 2009 was a hard year. My mom had thyroid and she almost had cancer. Meaning I was this close to losing her. She had to do a surgery and I had to live without her for about a month. At that time I was little so I didn’t know exactly what was going on. I remember I had a Hannah Montana folder and it had a calendar on it. I used to count the days until I got to see her again. As I was growing up I feel like I found out more and also got closer to my mom. My dad and I do have a good bond but I feel like since we’re not the same gender I can’t tell him much. So I go ahead and tell my mom since she’s a female and she went through a lot. Since I was little I was close with my mom but after this surgery I got closer with her. I feel like my mother and I are connected in the sense that we’re both open minded. We talk about things and won’t take it in the wrong way. Like we will help eachother out and give advice. I don’t have any siblings so she does whatever she has to do to not make me feel lonely. Yes I have my limits and my mother has her limits. So I’ll share something I can if It might be wrong to say then I’ll just keep it to myself. I feel like if I wasn’t this close with my mom then I wouldn’t be who I really am today. I would dress differently and just be disrespectful. My mom kept me straight and did discipline me. My mom and I do share a lot of traits. Such that we are both too nice. I feel like I should stop being too nice and just not care about people like that. I should just focus on myself and my close ones. Also we usually forgive people easily. Another trait is that we both get angry easily but don’t really show it. We will get into an argument and just won’t talk to eachother. But in the end of the day I am honestly very grateful for having a mother like her. Day by day I grow and learn something new. Even though we might get into arguments here and there. I still love her and thanks to her for making me who I am today.
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Emma JumpeltMarch 5, 2020 at 5:24 PM
When I think of my Mother I think of how hard working she is, she's inspired me to do my best always. Without her I wouldn't be where I am today and I'm forever grateful for her. Ever since I was able to think for myself I saw how hard she worked and how passionate she was about what she does, through her I learned that you always do your best, and even if that isn't the best up to anybody elses standards, I tried hard and I should always be proud of myself for that. She also taught me to be myself and that people who are meant for me will love me for me. And I still believe in that, and as always she was right with that advice too. One thing I appreciate about her a lot is that she knows when to act like a mother and when to act like a friend, this has showed me that she'll be there or me when I need her. Some things we mentally have in common is our sense of humor, even though sometimes I'm the only one who thinks something is funny, we can both laugh at the stupidest things together. Also empathy, we care a lot about people we love and are protective of them. Physically the only thing I'd say we share are our blue eyes, even tho they are different shades. Other people will point out that we smile the same, and we make the same gestures. I don't see it since I think generally we look very different. But my whole family looks like we're all not related which is why we draw attention to us, with my brother being ginger, my mom being blonde, and me being brunette with blue eyes. Overall I appreciate my Mom endlessly, of course we get into fights and disagreements where I think I'm going to go crazy, but there's way more good than bad, and no fight will ever change the fact that she's my biggest role model.
-Emma Jumpelt
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Nusrat MimiMarch 5, 2020 at 5:54 PM
When I think of my mother the first image that pops in my head is a teddy bear. She's exactly how a teddy bear would comfort you when you feel down and sad. Or how a teddy would show love and affectionate. That's exactly what my mom is. She is the strongest, hard working, and tolerant woman I know. She is an immigrant who came from Bangladesh to America soon after she got married and had my two brothers. After she got married she went through so much but she still has the biggest smile on her face every single day. And yes, she gets mad and starts screaming at us but at the end she loves us so dearly that she’ll die for us. My mother is named after our prophet Mohammed mother Amina. As a representation of who she looks up to and strives to be. The obstacles and challenges my mom faced and we as a family faced made me learn many ways to tackle life. For example, the grief of when one of my brothers passed away. Due to his passing it caused a lot of pain on the family like my parents marriage and seemed to affect my family members mental health too. And I always say “its life” because it is. However, seeing my mom overcome that sadness that took over half her life and trying to make herself happy again. It made me realize how strong she is as a person. She could be feeling down inside but you wouldn't know. She paints a picture in front of everyone. This is mainly because in the bengali household, we don't talk about how feelings due to there being a big stigma around it. Then, it results in miscommunication and problems. To connect back, my mother and I are both the type of people that like to hide our emotions and move on with our daily lives. We like to think about the positives and not the negatives. We always find a way to look at the good side of things because that's all we can hope for. Also, another image that pops in my head when I think of my mother is an armor. She always keeps the family safe and stable. When my dad nearly almost died due to his heart my mom decided to take over and become the mom and the dad of the family. She's like everything in one. She's my hero. And I wouldn't know what I'd do without her.
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Allison LeungMarch 8, 2020 at 6:09 PM
When I read what everyone else says about their mother they speak of their mother’s struggles and how much they’ve gone through. You guys speak about how much your mother rises above the challenges presented to her and how much they are loved by you or how much you see so much of her in you. I’m not going to say that my mother hasn’t faced challenges and obstacles. My mother had me at such a young age that people see us as sisters in public. My mother had me at 16, she was pregnant with me when she was 15. I was born 12 days after her own 16th birthday. My mom dropped out of high school, she was in the 11th grade, the same grade I’m in now. My mother had to grow up fast, she had to be on her own, do everything herself, she had to become independent way too soon. I believe that that same independence she installed in me. For a long time I’ve been my own person, I’m not the type to have many friends or to hang out with a lot of people. I like being by myself, on my own but I think that being social is a requirement in living in today’s society, and that where me and my mothers likeness start to separate. For my mother it’s easy to be social and make friends in any setting or environment, for me it’s not. I like to think it’s because for long my mother let me do my own thing and be by myself. My mother treats me and my younger brother very different, my mom is my brother’s best friend, the person he can be open and happy with so easily, due to his autism it’s hard for him to make friends and be himself but with me and my mom he’s ... him. My mother directs a lot of her attention to my brother and everything he needs. I often ask her why she does thing for him now but when i was his age I had to do those things on my own. Her response is the same “because you didn’t need me to do it .... I was never worried about you Skye .. you didn’t need me, you were your own person.” These are things already knew. It’s taken me up until now to realize that while my mother was raising me she was raising herself. The lessons I was being taught she was just learning herself, which in turn caused me to have to learn things the hard way, to have to teach myself, to sometimes have to raise myself. This has but a distance between me and everyone else, even my mother now. So when I’m asked what do I see when I think of my mother, I see a woman. Just a woman who I know is my mother, who I know should be my world, who I am obligated to love, but truly I don’t know. I don’t know what to feel or how to. I know my mom inside and out, I know all her flaws and strengthens but I feel that she doesn’t know much about me. My mom is a great mom who has done the best with what she was given and what she knows.Not only is she but I am the reason I am who I am today, but now it’s up to me to figure out whether or not I’m going to be something.
-SKYE
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Lee AngelMarch 8, 2020 at 7:52 PM
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